One day in one morning

A middle age women with her old bicycle was standing close to my house. Actually, she seemed to wait for someone. I have just returned from my children's school. I never saw her before. We met an eye contact. But then I just ignore her and went straight to my house.

"Excuse me" she said very gentle.
"Yes, can I help you" I answered her question with doubtful. You know these days and with all those news about criminalism. It was better be careful with the people who say hi or you end up being hypnotized.

"I have a kid need to eat and my husband passed away 6 months ago" she meaned to say those sentence but her words mixed up one to another.
I was stunned. My brain said .. just ignore her, she could be a fake beggar. My heart said... you should at least asked her what she wanted.

"Are you looking for a job" I asked her trying to figure out what she really meaned.

"Yes, mum. I need money to buy food for the kid and also I've been looking for a job as a servant."

"Oh. I don't have enough money and I don't know people who need work. I gave her only my 10.000 rupiah. This money for your kid to buy vegetables. Sorry." As I grabbed my 10.000 rupiah and gave it to her.

She smiled reluctantly and said thank you. Then she walked holding her old bicycle away.

As I enter my house and sit in front of my computer, I realize how I change myself. To tell the truth, I have more money to give and maybe I have a job for her, as I need a cleaner for my house. But how come I do not trust other people. Why I felt numb in my heart? Bad prejudice when seeing the poor? Not care with other people suffer? When did I become cold and stingy?

Newspapers, television and other media informed us about the criminalizm, thief and robbery. They asked us to be careful and not to easily believe other people. As I had an experience with a servant who stole my mobile years ago, I paid really attention to other people around me and my kids. I am afraid to hire person who I don't know about her family. I could not trust anyone like I used to be. Especially the poor. Not that I am rich. I am just an ordinary housewife with middle class salary.

I remember seing the pair in her eyes. Though I do not trust her but I saw women pain in her eyes. I knew she's struggling. I wish I could do better. I wish I didn't do it.